I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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