I seem to have left my pride at pride
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish life had little blips of pornography
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
