Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
