Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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