I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
