ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You ate ashes out of my bong
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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