Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
