she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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