I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
