now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I currently don't understand fingers.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
