No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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