I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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