you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
