I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
