I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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