please come you make the beer taste better
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
