i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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