Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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