Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
