i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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