but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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