Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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