SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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