So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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