I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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