i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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