I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
