It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
