Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
