see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
