No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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