You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
