dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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