Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
