If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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