KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
