just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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