I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
