people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
being pregnant is like rehab
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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