Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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