and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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