i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
