i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
