She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
