You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
