I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
