I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize