She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
