I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
