i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
