we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
