I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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