dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
