I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
