Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
