If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
