u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize