I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
