i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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