that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize