I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
