ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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