If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
