So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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