hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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