it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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