just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
