Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
