i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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