yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
