Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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