I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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