dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
