so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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