no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
