Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
A+ Viking dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
