Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
