I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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