he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
