threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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