Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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