I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
