I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
