If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
