i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
