I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize