As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
