Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
