he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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