What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
