What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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