You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
