My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
