i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
