You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
