i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
