his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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