So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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