how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
