And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
